would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize