my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize