at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
