Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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