Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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