I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm at about main and main street
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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