i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize