I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
