I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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