he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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