So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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