Say something about gay babies.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
