I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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