Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
ok first of all what the fuck
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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