dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
