This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just crazy horny about you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
