my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
