He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
