Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
