Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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