I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
