i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize