The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
