someone get that fucking seahorse.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
