And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
