a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
