He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
