bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
