just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
