dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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