I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
