Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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