babies were throwing up all over the place
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize