If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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