quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize