I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
