Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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