My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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