The maid of honor just puked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
