you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
