You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
operation have a gay friend backfired
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
