Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize