I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
