I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize