In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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