you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
