I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
