i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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