So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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