I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
