Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
