I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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