i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
