between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
