Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
