I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize