we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
