Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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