I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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