I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
