all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
