At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
