Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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