the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
