I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
