call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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