Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize