All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
