She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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