google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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