I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
