the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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