Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
