11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
