What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
