And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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