It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it penis luge time yet?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
