i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize