Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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