someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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