My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
