It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
