somebody snuck up and got me drunk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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