I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize