They should really pass out barf bags in church
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
