Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
