When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
