Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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