Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Randomize
