I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
