Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
