good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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