Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
