Having a random hookup so left but love u
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
