i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
