so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
