just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
